This image may look like I’m trying to frame the picture
correctly on my iPhone, but the truth of the matter is, I needed to position my
head like this to fit into the airplane lavatory. My shoulder is actually butt up against the
angled wall at the back of the space. I
could not turn to face the toilet while standing up. I had to position myself by putting my knees
against either side of the toilet in a way that must have been reminiscent of
POW’s stuck in tiger cages in Vietnam.
As I relieve myself, I notice the stream doesn’t have the
flow or direction that correlates to the sensation of volume I’m feeling. I look down and confirm I’m having a
Top-Bottom dual stream effect and the lower one is hitting the front of the toilet
seat and my shoes. I do a Kegel pinch & push to get a single stream to complete the task. I zip up and make an assessment of the
damage.
I have a small spray pattern on my pants, but nothing
noticeable. What was noticeable was the
puddle of piss between my shoes, and I don’t think all of it was mine. When I boarded the plane, there was an unmistakable
smell of urine. I put the seat down to
sit and throw wads of toilet paper on the puddle. I use my feet to mop up the piss and grab
another bunch of paper to pick up the wad and throw it in the toilet. A quick dab of hand sanitizer completes the
clean-up. When I get back to my seat, I
can see more spray pattern on my shoes.
Next time, although it isn’t manly, I’m just going to sit down, or maybe hold
it until the plane lands.
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