365 Pictures in 365 Days: 2016 - This Again?!

Don't call it a comeback,
I've been here for years!
Making excuses,
For ignoring my peers.
With updates on trips, for work and for pleasure
Creating fond memories I will always treasure.

- loosely based on 'Mama Said Knock You Out' by LL Cool J

The start of 2016 was no different than the starts of the last few years.  The Wife and I joined our friends at their house with more than enough provisions to last us the night with the two dogs.  We also had an inflatable mattress,which we would later learn had a small hole that would prevent it from inflating completely.  We ended up sleeping in the kids' room.

The festivities of the evening paralleled those we had during Christmas when we took a trip to visit two ailing members of the Wife's family who were staying at the same care facility. One is her grandfather, the other is who would clinically be called an ex-step-grandmother.  Marientte, Wisconsin is a small town - even as small towns go. Both my Wife's dad and her uncle's family were in town as well.  After a round robin schedule of visits, we all retired to my Wife's grandparents' house for dinner and games.  

We played Catchphrase, followed by a rousing rendition of Cards Against Humanity into the early morning, running through every card in the deck.  My plays of "anuses for eyes" as my super power and "being a dick to children" for what Batman does for fun, nearly killed my father-in-law, who was battling a cold, either from mold in the house or his trip to Portugal.  I guess I'll need to get the inheritance some other way.  I was the big winner of the night, having 15 of my cards selected.

For New Year's we started by playing Asshole, also known as El Presidente in more chaste circles, and always dangerous when mixed with alcohol because who really likes being told, "looks like you're the asshole!"  There wasn't a clear winner as everyone had a chance to be the asshole; but I couldn't help feeling the Wife was one, even when she was President.

Food and drink were a welcome salve to any hard feelings from the card game. Afterwards, we played Cards Against Humanity, which I felt we had done to death a week earlier, followed by Catchphrase.  I continued my winning streak with 8 cards selected, and we played Catchphrase until one of our friends fell asleep sitting up at the table. And then there were three!  The rest of us finished the night playing Wii bowling until well past two in the morning.  I found the game to be incredibly realistic as I got the same scores on Wii as I do playing in my bowling league.  The Wife, on the other hand, was knocking them down like Kingpin.

The next day could only be described as sluggish, both in movement and in appearance. We had plenty of food from the night before that still tasted good after reheating.  TBS had a nice lineup of funny movies (most appropriately, The Hangover) to keep us entertained with low mental impact.  By late afternoon, it was time to call it quits, so we packed up and went home.  The first day of the year was decent, and I thought I could carry my regular photo-taking excursions into the New Year and try my 365 in 365 project anew.

Image 001:  01/01/2016

A panoramic view of St. Paul taken from the High Bridge

Image 002:  01/02/2016

Weather was warm for January - Mississippi was only partially
frozen.  Downtown St. Paul.

Image 003:  01/03/2016

The last couple of years, the Wife and I like to visit the
Como Conservatory as an oasis from the harsh winters.

For One Week, The "Happiest Place on Earth" Wasn't

Well, it's Sunday and a full week back from my vacation.  Having a four day work week to get back into the swing of things would have been just the way I would have drawn it up if I actually planned it.  We had an absolutely gorgeous July 4th weekend, most of which was spent outside doing yard work. Yet another storm rolled in the early hours this morning, and left a small amount of rain, but the day is hot and muggy and perfect for staying indoors for things like laundry and blogging.

The first half of my vacation started on Thursday and was spent in Orlando to attend the AAU National Tournament for G-Bug's volleyball team. We would probably have enjoyed being in Orlando more if the tournament was held in February, like the one in Wisconsin Dells, but the Orange County Convention Center was a nice place to be to get out of the mid-90 degree heat.

I had given my family the heads-up on the tournament months in advance, envisioning the trip would be a good way for all of us to get together this year. My brother and his family stayed the whole week we were there, while my mom was in town from Thursday to Monday.  As an added bonus, my aunt and uncle, who live in the Palm Beach area, drove into town for the weekend.  The tournament ran from Saturday afternoon until Tuesday, so there were a couple of "free" days for G-Bug, although she was required to stay with her team.

Our crew had rented two two-bedroom condos at Lake Buena Vista Resort.  My mom stayed with my brother's family while G-Bug's mom stayed with the Wife and me. Let me repeat that for effect, I was staying in a two-bedroom condo with my wife and ex-wife. Fortunately, the master bedroom and bath were on one side of the condo and a second bedroom and bathroom were on the other side, so we were able to stay out of each other's way.

The first night we all went out for a group dinner, G-Bug's mom included.  We tried to go to Downtown Disney, but we followed the cones and traffic attendants in an elaborate loop that got us back to the main road we took to get into downtown.  We settled on Landry's Seafood House, which, as a second choice, was pretty nice.  Our waitress was a sour prune and put on the hard sell to buy member cards to other restaurants or theme parks, but we declined. The food was excellent, as I had a crab stuffed Mahi and the Wife had a Cedar Planked Salmon.

We were finished with dinner after 10p and we tried to make our way back to the resort. I had followed my brother in our rental car to get to the restaurant and with the detour around the crowded Downtown Disney, I had lost my bearings. I wanted to follow him back to the resort and be there before 11p as we all could visit G-Bug before curfew. Mom had said it was just a couple of lefts to get there, so we chanced it on our own.  The roads were still busy with traffic and the stop lights off the main road only allowed a couple cars to go through before changing. I was gunning through "pinks" (just turned reds) by the third light.

We saw a building with 'Lake Buena Vista' on the side, but the building was a different resort.  I pulled into the parking lot, but was confused by the traffic cones by the entrance, as our resort didn't have any construction near it. We made a U-turn and I waited for a break in the traffic to get back on the highway.  Once on the road, I quickly realized I didn't see any of the landmarks that were close to our resort.  The signs for the airport confirmed we were headed the wrong way.

My biggest pet peeve is stupidity. I have little patience when others exhibit it and get very angry with myself when I do. Plus, a clock was ticking in my head to get back in time to see G-Bug.  Needless to say, when I asked my three passengers for help with directions, I used some serious invective and my foot became leaden.  And let me confirm for effect, I had my mom, wife, and ex-wife in the car with me. The directions were a back-up, now that I knew what road we were traveling. I knew once we turned around I would be able to find my way again. When we dropped off mom at her condo, my brother's family had already gone to bed and we only had a few minutes to see G-Bug. We decided to pass on a visit with her.

"He's One Bad Mother . . ." "Shut Yo' Mouth!" "I'm Just Talkin' 'bout The Ghost of Dick Clark."

It's almost May, the overnight temperatures are in the low 30's and we're getting rain mixed with snow.  The long, arduous winter has become a chilly, miserable spring.  What better time to reminisce on a Cabin Fever Crusher from February?

I had made the decision to retire my most inappropriate impression of a post-stroke Dick Clark after this party.  This was not an impression I was proud of, and would rarely perform sober, and was a reaction to the painful awkwardness we were all subjected to every New Year's Eve since his stroke in 2004.  I can understand bringing him back the following year to show he is doing well, but allow him to retire to convalesce privately. Kirk Douglas is still doing his thing, but you don't see him shuffling out every Oscars.

At any rate, I did the impression in front of our standard group of friends to start 2014, mostly at the encouraging of my wife.  The bad mojo caught her first as she spent her first weekend of the New Year in the hospital with an abscess tooth that caused her cheek and lips to swell to a shocking degree.  The fear was the swelling could have gotten into her throat and blocked her airway.  I didn't heed the warning.

We arrived at the Crusher at the more reasonable dinner hour, bringing a bag of random beers and partial bottles of alcohol.  I took this opportunity to bring my bottle of coffee flavored Patron I was "gifted" at a distributor event in Dallas.  We also brought a bottle of Bailey's to make baby Guinnesses - a shot I learned while there.  We didn't bring a crock pot of food, but several others did, so we sampled a variety of foods with a variety of drinks.

Once everyone was fully in party mode, we broke out the game Cards Against Humanity. If there is one game you need to get, it's this one.  It's essentially "Apples to Apples" for adults, as evidenced by this exchange:

Partygoer:  How do you play? 

Me:  It's like "Apples to Apples" for adults. 

Partygoer:  What do you mean? 

Me:  Well, look at this card.  It says "jizz" on it.  No, wait.  It says "jazz."

Me:  (squinting) No, I was right the first time.  It's "jizz."

By far, the best play of the night was when the prompt card read "I've decided to give up *blank* for Lent" and an unlikely source played a card reading "farting and walking away." I went through the motions of reading the other cards, but I had already chosen my winner. The more bawdy cards freed up people to discuss sexual topics, including the difference between The Shocker and The Spocker.

Once the sex talk devolved into awkward silences, someone mercifully suggested we go sledding.  Fortunately, there were only a few of us foolhardy enough to go, leaving plenty of next of kin and organ donors.  The sledding group piled into one car and headed to a nearby golf course.  Once I saw a couple people head down on a toboggan, I decided it was safe enough for me.

I went solo on the red plank of death seen in the photo above and felt I reached speeds that wouldn't have been safe in a school zone.  I put my feet out to slow my progress, but hit the first bump that sent a lightening bolt of pain from my coccyx to the top of my head.  I started to yell "Ow!  That really hurt!" when I hit the second bump at "that." Drunken stories of my exploits later that night had me spitting blood with rivulets running down my face.  Unfortunately, tales of my badassery were greatly exaggerated, but the ghost of Dick Clark had struck again.

I pretty much called it quits after my one run.  The other sledders were getting ready to leave, so I decided to have one last try on the slope opposite the big hill. This was less steep and with virgin snow.  As I started my decent, the one young woman in our group shouted, "keep your tongue in your mouth!"  A disappointing statement to hear from a lady, no matter what the context.  I just wish I had the wherewithal to retort, "that's NOT what she said."

Back home, we nursed our respective injuries with food and alcohol.  "Cards Against Humanity" had been changed to "Scattergories."  The game had changed, but not the tone. It was amazing how many people had thought of 'nipples' and 'nuts' when the letter 'N' was drawn.  When both my clothes and liver had dried a bit, we decided to head home. I made a quick pit stop before leaving and forgot to zip up, which was quickly pointed out to me.  It reminded me of a song:

Everybody have fun tonight;

Captain's wang hung out tonight.

Sports, Sports, Sports, Sports

It was a full week of sports for me, in as much I will be updating you on the three sports-related activities I'm involved in.  In related news, the Red Sox secured the AL East pennant for just the 7th time in team history and yesterday the Gophers football team beat San Jose State to go to 4-0 against non-conference teams.  They seem like a good team this year, but the U of M has historically played pathetically within their conference. Here's hoping they buck the trend.

I bowled last week after having one week off to take a business trip to Winnipeg. I'm not yet in bowling condition, but that didn't stop me from getting my own ball.  My nickname among some of my friends and colleagues is "Frank the Tank," and I've taken a step to secure its permanence.

My scores from last week weren't all that great.  Maybe with the new ball, I'll show some improvement.  It's heavier than I'm used to, so it's going to take some time, but I have until April to build up some strength.

September 19, 2013

Game 1

62, 61, S81, X, 71, 81, X, 7/, S62, 6- = 109

Game 2

52, X, 81, 9/, 9-, X, X, X, S72, 53 = 156

Game 3

9-, 8-, 8/, 9/, 9-, 9-, S7-, 71, 9/, 3/8 = 119

Series Total:    384

Series Avg.:     128

Season Avg.:    127

Season Hdcp.:  65

Last Sunday, my Fantasy Football team came thisclose to winning its first game (out of two week played so far).  I was about 25 points shy of my opponent, but had my best receiver playing on Monday night.  I figured if he got 8 catches for 140 yards and a touchdown, that would give me enough points for the win; and this stat line wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for him.  He ended up with 6 catches for 41 yards and I fell well short of victory.  On the plus side, this week I play against the only other team at 0-2, so my odds are quite good.  Whether at winning or losing, I’m not sure.

In the football pool, I picked 8 of 16 games correctly.  I’m now in 7^th place of 12 players and 8 points away from first place.  The fact I’m having a slow start on all my seasons is an understatement.

Football Just Isn't My Game

In so many ways.

I was a scrawny youth and was typically picked on by the football players in high school. And the hockey players.  And the wrestlers.  Some members of the tennis team.  As I got older, I would attend my alma mater's home games (JMU won the Div I-AA championship in 2004, an event I watched on ESPN2 while in Phoenix) and watch the pros on TV Sundays and Mondays, mostly for the social aspect (i.e. recovering from hangovers with my college friends).

My choice of pro teams to root for varied.  My first favorite team was the Pittsburgh Steelers, mostly because they had won the most Super Bowls at the time.  Being a front runner fan doesn't take a lot of sophistication.  Growing up in Connecticut, I had a choice of the Patriots, Jets, and Giants.  My Dad liked Phil Simms and Bill Parcells of the Giants, so I followed his lead.  I started cheering for the Saints when they had their top linebacker core.  After college, I didn't spend much time following football.  I was living in Boston when the Patriots got Drew Bledsoe, but moved to Minnesota a few months later; and where I've been living for 17 years as of next month.  I think of the Vikings as the football equivalent to the pre-2004 Red Sox; mostly bad to mediocre seasons with some good ones mixed in, and constantly shooting themselves in the foot when they are good enough to get to the championship.

My lack of attention didn't stop me from participating in various football pools at work and I've been part of a family one (the Wifey's family) for the last four years.  I was the top dog for one season in that pool, but haven't been tearing it up otherwise.  I was eager to try Fantasy Football in my buddy's league and the family pool was re-upped for the 2013-14 season.

I got off to a cold start for the first week.  The Seahawks didn't play very well that week and my top Running Back and Wide Receiver are from this team.  My Tight End got more fantasy points than the two of them combined.  I lost the first game of the season 166-127.  In the process, I lost a couple players due to injury and there weren't a lot of options available for replacement.

As for the football pool, I made a bold prediction in the Smack Talk section, saying I was going to know so much about football because of my Fantasy team that I would need to start a regimen of squat thrusts considering the constant view of my behind everyone else was going to have.  The range of correct picks in the pool ranged from 13 to 4.  I got 6, so I was toward the bottom of the standings.

I will use the sports cliche that there is still a lot of football to play yet.

Introducing Your 2013-14 Minnesota Frozen Boogers! (And the crowd goes wild)

Don't let the beard fool you.  I'm a child.

Speaking of such, my childhood friend, Rob, who you all met during our Las Vegas Birthday Bash Weekend back in May 2011 (has it really been that long?!), invited me to join the Fantasy Football league he participates with a group of his friends in Connecticut.  He played last year and had a lot of fun with it, and thought I would like to join.  They were going to have a live draft on Sunday, August 25th.

Baseball has always been my game, and I had participated in fantasy leagues through Yahoo for a number of years, but nothing in the last six years or so.  I tried fantasy football once when G-Bug was still an infant.  Considering I didn't have a low level distraction (this blog being more intense and harder to stay current) and missed the chance to meet up with Rob when I was back east on vacation, I agreed to be a part of this league.  I had a couple days to get up to speed before the draft.

My first foray into fantasy sports was when I worked for a small marketing firm filled with recent college grads; very similar to my Winners Advertising job, the company name was Innova Marketing.  I was 29 years old and definitely of the "old guard."  I was invited to participate with several co-workers in a live draft for baseball using just National League players.  Every "team" had a pretend budget of $250 or so and as each player was announced, interested fantasy owners would put in bids.  The player would go to the highest bidder.  What could happen is an owner could "buy" a franchise player, like Mark McGuire in his heyday, for $60-$70 and then have to settle for lesser known players later on, getting them for $1-$2.  The process took several hours, usually delayed by bidding wars.

One such jackal would up his bid by $1 right at "going once, going twice . . ." intentionally getting owners to pony up a couple extra dollars to drain his budget for later rounds.  I thought I was annoyed with him then, but his offense was quickly forgotten when he gave me my walking papers at work right before the start of the baseball season.  I had to manage my team via email with former co-workers.  My team came in dead last.

This draft would be much easier.  There were 12 owners taking 16 rounds to draft a quarterback, two running backs, two wide receivers, a tight end, a kicker, a flex player, a team defense, and seven bench players.  There would be no bidding.  Every owner had a position number for the draft and the order would reverse itself each round.  The owner who picked first in the first round, would pick last in the second, first again in the third, etc. until all teams had sixteen players.  Rob would have me on the phone during the draft and let me know who was left and when it was my turn to pick.  My position number was six.

I don't follow football too closely and have rudimentary knowledge of the top names in the game.  I can probably name five players on the Vikings today.  I reviewed the Fantasy Draft lists on ESPN and checked out some videos.  One such video suggested getting running backs in your first two rounds due to the paucity of quality players at this position. Rather than print lists for each position, I went the route of printing the list ranking the top 300 players in all positions.  I saw the top 10 kickers were grouped together starting at position 150, so I knew I should chose one in later rounds.

I marked each group of 12 players going through the first 192.  Adrian Peterson - MN -RB1 was the number one overall pick and Adrian Foster - HOU - RB2 was second.  I figured they would be the first to go, so I didn't concentrate on them, but I also knew I would get at least one player in each group as owners made their selections.  I chose four players in each group of 12 and ranked them based on who I really wanted.  I had to be prepared should my first and second choices already be picked.  I felt I had a pretty good game plan as I went into the draft.

As it turns out, you can only plan so much.  Once the draft starts, you're in scramble mode. I was right that the first five owners selected players within the top 12.  In this group were 10 running backs (supporting the recommendation I heard in the video), 1 wide receiver (Calvin Johnson - DET - WR1), and 1 quarterback (Aaron Rodgers - GB -QB1).  I had missed the first few picks, so I went with my third choice of the round, Doug Martin - TB - RB5).  He was already picked.  Oh shit! I could already feel myself start to panic and went with my first choice for the first round, Marshawn Lynch - SEA - RB3 (3 overall).  He was still available.  Whew!

As the other owners picked and Rob told me who was gone, I heard many players I had selected for my subsequent rounds.  Peyton Manning, Dez Bryant, Andre Johnson, and that classic of football names, Frank Gore.  I also heard top names in other categories getting picked as well.  Drew Brees, Matt Forte, Brandon Marshall, Tom Brady, Jimmy Graham.

My second round pick was number 13 in the top 300:  AJ Green - CIN - WR2.

I listened as more players I wanted were getting snapped up by other owners.  Wes Welker, Robert Griffen III, Reggie Bush, Eric Decker.

Hearing how quickly quarterbacks were being picked and my top three picks were already gone, I went with a pick that I wasn't considering, but knew he was pretty high on the list.  I needed a top field general, even if it wasn't one of my top choices.  Matt Ryan - ATL - QB6 (43)

More players I wanted were being picked.  As I crossed off names from the list of 300, I was scanning to see the top players remaining in each position.  I had an RB, WR, and QB. I needed a TE.  I selected Tony Gonzalez - ATL - TE3 (57).

The rounds were starting to slow down as I pictured my fellow owners doing the same thing I was; crossing off names and seeing who was left.  I was still relying on some name recognition as I scanned my list and found players I wanted, but were soon picked. Marques Colston, Jason Witten, Ahmad Bradshaw, Sebastian Janikowski.  Janikowski?! This last one was a kicker and number 9 at his position, 158 overall.  Like breaking hearts for the first time in the card game, this gave others permission to start considering kickers for picks, although we were still in relative early rounds.  Similarly, once someone had picked a defense, that position started to come into play in the selections.

I held out a couple rounds before going for a kicker and defense.  I wanted to get more players who I felt would offer more in terms of points.  I picked up Shane Vereen - NE - RB32 (80) and Sidney Rice - SEA - WR33 (81).  As we got to the later rounds and owners were looking for "bench" players, the names were coming from all over the top 300 list.  I filled roster spots where I felt I needed help and knew by Round 14 who my 16th and final pick would be.  This would be a rookie wide receiver on the Vikings who I had read about when doing some research on the team.  He was number 70 for his position, 214 overall and I knew I could wait to pick him.  When it was my turn, I announced my final pick: Cordarrelle Patterson - MN - WR70.

I couldn't hear everything that was happening on site and had to rely on Rob to relay information to me.  Once I made this pick, however, I heard a loud grown of despair. Apparently another owner was going to use his last pick on Patterson as well, but I beat him to the punch.  I almost feel obligated to put him in my Flex position for Week 1.

Here is my full roster:
Quarterbacks
Matt Ryan - HOU - QB6/43
Ben Roethlisberger - PIT - QB14/97

Running Backs
Marshawn Lynch - SEA - RB3/3
Eddie Lacy - GB - RB19/37
Shane Vereen - NE - RB32/80
Shonn Green - TEN - RB48/129

Wide Receivers
A.J. Green - CIN - WR2/13
Sidney Rice - SEA - WR33/81
Chris Givens - STL - WR41/105
Santana Moss - WAS - WR58/175
Cordarrelle Patterson - MN - WR70/214

Tight Ends
Tony Gonzalez - ATL - TE3/57
Brandon Pettigrew - DET - TE14/140
Coby Fleener - IND - TE17/183

Kicker
Blair Walsh - MN - K2/151

Defense
Denver Broncos D/ST - DEF7/143 

Cape Cod Vacation: The Next Day(s)

I apologize for not keeping up with my stories from the Cape, as I was rudely interrupted by a business trip to Houston and Dallas.  I was able to get some pictures from my travels there, so be sure to keep your eyes open for those weeks of photos some time in November.  When we last left our heroes, one of them was wearing a dead horseshoe crab as a helmet.

The picture above is the cottage we stayed, taken from the backyard.  One item I forgot to mention was the presence of numerous signs which caused dread and trepidation to all who read them:

No, not the one above.  This one:

We already had a bad experience with aged, Cape Cod cottage plumbing during our last vacation, and much like Chief Brody in Jaws 2, we didn't intend to go through that hell again.

We started the day at nearby Skaket Beach, eagerly anticipating the arrival of my sister. She was in the middle of completing her work for her Master's degree and couldn't take a lot of time for vacation, but she wanted to see us and figured the weekend would be the best time.  She planned to stay overnight until Monday and then head back home to Hartford.

Skaket Beach is your basic bayside beach.  Although having regular tides, there isn't the kind of waves you would see on the Atlantic side.  In fact, they're more like ripples than waves.  The water is warmer and the sand is pretty smooth once you get past the crushed shells and rocks at the breakwater.  Our time was spent playing with a football and squirt guns during high tide and hunting hermit crabs and snails at low tide.  Once word got around that my sister arrived, we packed up our things and headed home.

Back at the cottage, we created a family ping pong competition, starting with pool play. The players were the Wifey, G-Bug, my sister & brother, and me.  Everyone had to play each other once to determine seeding for the tournament.  It quickly became obvious that the Wifey and my brother were the two odds-on favorites to win the tournament.  I held my own against both, going deep into games, past 21 points, eventually to lose by two. We never got to tournament play to determine the true winner.

That night was deemed by the Wifey as our night to prepare the family dinner. In truth, my contribution was minimal, although I did cut the garlic bread (not as easy as it sounds) and did the heavy lifting of getting the massive salmon off the grill and onto the table. There was a big communal salad and other sides as well. The Wifey got huge compliments for putting the dinner together, but was something I had gotten used to.  My wife is a master at putting together a delicious salad.  If you haven't had one, you're missing out!  I completed my duties by clearing the table and rinsing the dishes.

After dinner, my sister suggested we change the format of pong to include beer. We had participation from unlikely sources, including my mom and my oldest nephew.  His and G-Bug's cups were filled with soda, but caffeine is like alcohol to youngsters, so the result was the same.  In a surprising twist, my mom beat my sister at beer pong.  I found I didn't have patience for the game, as it took too long to score any points, and take a drink.  I preferred to watch the last game of the series between the Red Sox and Yankees, an 11-inning affair won by a Napoli walk-off home run.

The next morning was a throwback to our childhood.  I woke up in the late morning to find my brother and sister playing cribbage, a game our father taught us as kids.  Once they finished their game, I was dealt into the next two.  It was a barn burner for a while until I started to suck wind with a constant series of 4 point hands and cribs.  My brother and sister would bang out a dozen points or more in some hands, leaving me hoping for the skunk line.  My sister was more successful at playing cribbage than pong (ping or beer), squeaking out a victory in both games, by 1 point, then by 3 over my brother.  I was an "also ran," getting skunked in the second game.