A Tribute to "Papa Jer" Tomlinson

Jer was smiling down on us.

This post was a long time coming, but I allowed myself to be distracted by business and family trips.  I wanted to write a tribute before continuing with the blog.

On Tuesday, May 10, , our family received some very sad news.  G-Bug’s step-grandfather, Papa Jer, succumbed to an arduous, but ultimately too short, battle with cancer.  He passed away peacefully at his home, surrounded by his wife, Nana; G-Bug and her mom, and his eldest son.  He was able to beat the two month prognosis he received in March, to celebrate another birthday, and had his full mental faculties.  It must have been hard for him to know his physical capabilities were slowly fading away, but his family took some solace in being able to engage with him like before.  He died as he lived, as Papa Jer.

I first met Papa Jer when I was living in Boston with G-Bug’s mom, Amy, almost 20 years ago.  They were coming up the stairs in our apartment building and after I said ‘hello’ to Nana, Jer piped in with “Is this (David)?”  I’m not sure if he actually called me David, but he definitely called me by another name.  I thought he was trying to get a rise out of me, but wouldn’t take the bait and said, “Yes, I’m David.”  It was only when Nana corrected him did I realize he really didn’t know what my name was.

During that same trip the four of us had lunch at a local bistro and were walking back to the apartment afterwards.  We had just crossed CommAve when someone had called out to us.  We turned to see a cab driver had stopped and was pointing out the window toward the front of the car.  Both Amy and I started to tell the driver what the next street was if he was to go straight across CommAve.  The cab driver shook his head and pointed more emphatically toward the street in front of him.  One of the womenfolk had dropped her glove.  Sheepishly, I hurried to collect it.  As we continued our walk home, I was feeling a little silly and stayed mum for a few steps.  Jer, either to break the tension or because of his natural curiosity, stated, “I was wondering where you were trying to direct him.”  I’m pretty sure he had a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips, and we both had a laugh at the faux pas.

Soon after their Boston trip, I had a chance to visit them in Minneapolis.  Looking back, I’m pretty sure this was the start of a shadow campaign to convince me to move to Minnesota, which I resisted for a couple of years.  It was during my first trip to Minnesota that I learned Jer was a cinephile.  He had a large screen television recessed into a cabinet in the basement and the shelves surrounding it had hundreds of movies on laser disk.  He also had many books about movies in his bookcases.  This may be a false memory, but in the early days of the laser disks, the movie would stop halfway through and the disk would have to be turned over, like a record.  We appreciated the break, as it allowed those who needed to go to the bathroom to do so.  As the technology got better, Jer would upgrade his system.

Over the years, we would frequently have a movie night which was preceded by a nice dinner.  On some nights, we would watch a short cartoon before the movie, like they used to do back in the day.  Other traditions would be homemade malts in the summer and Tom and Jerry’s during Christmas time.  One Christmas time tradition I was told about and was able to witness was the Annual Tossing of the Yule Kaka.  Jer would attempt to make this Christmas bread, but would usually need a couple tries to be successful.  The mistakes would be thrown outside for the squirrels to eat, some of whom decided to go hungry.  If I can find it, I will post a picture of Jer outside in his pajamas, standing in the snow covered backyard, trying to get rid of the evidence.

Jer was at his best as a grandfather.  He doted on G-Bug and her cousins to the extent of almost spoiling them rotten.  I think G-Bug probably benefited a little more, living very close to Nana and Papa, but he was generous to all.  His generosity wasn’t shown just with his gifts or cashing in coin jars.  He was also very attentive and engaging and would play just about as energetically as G-Bug would.  She couldn’t ask for a better Papa.

Although it must have been hard for G-Bug to be present when Papa Jer passed away, I am glad she could be there to help comfort him.  In time, the sadness will fade, but she shouldn’t have any regrets about not being there at the end.  It struck me that when we were able to leave the hospital after G-Bug was born, the first place we stopped was Nana and Papa’s house.  Papa was there at the beginning of her life, and she was there for the end of his.

Sadly, there will be those special events in G-Bug’s life that Jer will not be able to witness, like proms and graduations, or her wedding and raising a family.  However, he was able to watch her play soccer, sing in the school choir, and play the flute in the school band.  And although he won’t see her grow into a young woman, he was able to see her grow to be taller than him.

G-Bug told me of a conversation she had with Nana as they were comforting each other.  They were reminiscing about Papa Jer's kindness, humor, and generosity and they agreed that I could be the same way as Jer was.  I hope they realize what high praise that is, as well as big shoes to fill, and I will do my best to be the caring man he was.

So, Rest In Peace, Papa Jer.  You will be sorely missed, but never forgotten.