Las Vegas Day One: May 25, 2011

I didn't heed my own advice from my previous posting about what to plan and to expect in Las Vegas. Rather than pack my clothes in a carry-on, I packed a suitcase.  I'm pretty cheap when it comes to certain things and I usually can't justify spending $25 to check a bag.

However, my recent business trip to Kansas City made me realize the convenience of having one fewer item to bring through security. Plus, our most recent purchase from Melaleuca had a skin care kit that included sun screen. The tube is five ounces and too large for a baggie of toiletries. Rather than trying to squeeze three ounces into a TSA-approved container, I decided to pack a suitcase. This allowed me to bring the body wash, shampoo, toothpaste, and deodorant I purchased as well.

The other piece of advice I didn't follow was using my pocket cash strictly for gambling. I spent the morning before my flight doing a little house cleaning to give The Wife a head start before her mother arrived on Saturday. I didn't eat anything while at home and waited until I was at the airport to buy a small Lunchable and a bottle of green tea.  The total was $6.15 and I broke a ten. For those keeping count (like me), the trip had cost me $31.15. I'm going to try to keep a full accounting of my expenses.

My morning wasn't all about Swiffer, Febreze, and chinchilla poop.  I had reversed engineered my schedule, as is my nature, to calculate when I should leave for the airport.  I usually allow for plenty of cushion because I get seriously stressed about being at the airport in time for my flights. The dogs, Jack and Jill, were itching for another turn in the backyard and I let them out as I gathered my bags.

Once I was sure I had everything, I headed to the garage to put my luggage in the car. As I crossed the driveway, Jill came running from the front yard and my heart sunk. The two of them usually pair up for their antics, so I assumed Jack had also run to the front yard and Jill followed. They are good dogs for the most part, but now that the weather is warmer, they suffer from cabin fever and wanderlust. In truth, I'm surprised Jill came back so quickly. I think she knew they were being bad and she didn't want to upset the Alpha Male. Jack, however, went rogue.
The next 30 minutes were highly stressful. I went around the corner to where a full-size poodle lives, but the dog wasn't outside and I didn't see Jack. I knew I had to leave shortly and all sorts of desperate thoughts crossed my mind. What if Jack was hurt?  Or followed someone home? Or decided to go exploring?  I paraphrased a line from Speed:  you've got 20 minutes before leaving for the airport and your dog is AWOL. What do you do?  What DO you do?

Probably to the disappointment of many who read this, I would most likely decide to miss my flight to make sure Jack was safe. I've been looking forward to this trip for months and have talked about it for over a year, but family is family. This didn't prevent me from making a ventry phone call to The Wife describing what I would do to Jack if he made me miss my flight. I have to give kudos to G-Bug's mom for being on "Ready 5" (Top Gun reference) as a back-up plan.

At any rate, I went up and down the street, calling for Jack, and shaking his container of treatsies to get his attention. Fortunately, I was not in a robe and slippers to complete the crazy man image.  I walked two blocks and reversed course to head toward Beaver Lake.  Halfway to the lake, I looked behind me and saw a little speck of black running down the sidewalk on the far side of the house from me. When the speck turned into our driveway, I knew it was Jack. He had come from the direction I already searched, so he must have heard me, but chose to ignore me. I quickly called off G-Bug's mom from helping me search and then made a deeply apologetic call to The Wife. Afterwards, I hightailed it to the airport.

While on the plane, I got the party started early with two bottles of Jack Daniels and a can of Coke.  The remainder of the flight passed much more quickly and after a bit of turbulence coming into McCarran airport, I had touched down in Vegas.  I thought my morning was bad, but I had a voicemail message from my brother, Mike.  He had missed his connecting flight in Los Angeles by mere minutes and the next flight at 4p was cancelled.  He was scheduled to be on the next available flight at 6p.  We would later learn the 6p flight would be delayed twice before taking off at about 8:30p. 

He was flying United Airlines.  Whatever any of you do, do NOT fly United Airlines!  Use Frontier Airlines with a layover in Denver if you have to fly.  The entire airline industry is full of jackals, but it seems United Airlines is the worst of the bunch.

Mike’s adventure was a source of some amusement, however, as we tailored our favorite scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles to his situation.

United Agent:  Welcome to LAX. May I help you? 

Mike:  Yes. 

United Agent:  How may I help you? 

Mike:  You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks.  Then you can give me a ticket for a fucking plane.  A fucking DC-10, a fucking Lear, a fucking Cessna.  One fucking ultralight with an extra seat! 

United Agent:  I don't care for the way you're speaking to me. 

Mike:  And I don't care for the way your airline left me at the fucking far end of the terminal with a ticket to a fucking connecting flight that isn't fucking there.  I didn't care to fucking run down a fucking jetway and across a fucking CON-COURSE to get here and have you close the door in my fucking face.  I want . . . a fucking flight . . . right fucking now. 

United Agent:  May I see your boarding pass? 

Mike:  I threw it away. 

United Agent:  Oh, boy. 

Mike:  Oh, boy, what? 

United Agent:  You're fucked.

Meanwhile, Rob and I were able to take in some of the sites.  The airport shuttle stopped at a few of the casinos close to the airport, like the MGM Grand and the Luxor, before dropping us off at the Monte Carlo.  After tipping our driver, we checked in and made arrangements for Mike at the front desk.  We dropped our bags in the room (No. 12-223 with one bathroom, two beds, and three guys) and went to find someplace to toast the start of our Vegas trip.

We explored the casino level of the Monte Carlo and made notes on where to find the pool and fast food.  I had mentioned in my previous blog that we could be splitting $5 foot-longs at Subway, and there happened to be one in the casino.  We saw a couple cool bars (literally, in the case of Minus5 Ice Lounge, or what we call “March” in Minnesota) at one end, but I wanted to go to The Pub, as I was in for the mood for some basic bar fare and beers.

The Pub was exactly the type of place I wanted.  The room was pretty empty as it was still the early afternoon and there were plenty of large screen televisions to watch.   As luck would have it, we arrived just at the beginning of Happy Hour and there was a special for sliders and wings for $1 each.  There were some beer specials, too, but oddly enough, they were out of many.  We ordered a couple of the beers they did have, a handful of sliders, and a plate of nachos.

A few minutes later, a couple of ladies sat at the bar around the corner from us and went through the same process; determining what beers they wanted that The Pub had and ordering from the dollar menu.  I mention this rather mundane fact solely because the ladies ordered about eight sliders and ONLY ONE WING!  To share!  Who buys just one wing?  And these weren’t big wings, either.  They were the same kind that BBW sells for $.25 each.  This would be just the first oddity of Las Vegas we witnessed.

After our late lunch, we took in some of the sites.  We checked out the MGM Grand with its attractions and shopping area.  I took a brief moment while Rob used the facilities to throw a $20 into a video poker machine and he returned in time to watch me work my magic to get down by only $5 before I cashed out.  We walked down the Strip to Planet Hollywood to see the dealers.  The dancers weren’t out yet.  Instead, we stopped at the Playing Field Lounge and fed some money into video blackjack while drinking Sam Adams and watching Game 6 of the Bruins/Lightning series.

The video blackjack machines were horrible, either that or Rob had cold fingers which the screen couldn’t register.  He did eventually get the thing started, but you couldn’t double down or split pairs or surrender.  I was losing my original $20 pretty quickly until I made a fatal mistake.  I hit the “max bet” button, thinking I would only be risking five “coins.”  Instead, I had risked the remainder of my stake.  Of course, I got a 13 and busted on the hit.  I didn’t feel too bad, as I learned Rob had done the same thing.  Undaunted, I got another beer and put in another $20 and made a go of it.  It wasn’t long before frustration kicked in and I hit “max bet” on purpose, which didn’t pan out. 

After the game, we walked back to the Monte Carlo and went to our room.  The jetlag hit us then (me first) and I curled up under the covers of one bed.  Rob saw me, muttered “you, bastard” and succumbed to his weariness in the other bed.  We were awakened a short time later by a phone call from Mike saying he had finally landed in Vegas.  We headed downstairs where Rob got a bite to eat while I settled for a Gatorade.  Rob went back to the room and I waited for Mike at the shuttle drop-off point.

Once Mike put his stuff in the room, we headed back downstairs so all of us could toast the start of our Vegas trip.  We stopped at Diablo’s Cantina too late to get food, but Mike and I split a pitcher of Mojitos and Rob had something pink (Mike’s treat).  Once our drinks were finished, we walked the Strip again so that Mike could get a sense of the city.  We went back to Planet Hollywood in hopes of finding a cheap blackjack table.  There were only a few blackjack tables in total and the couple low stakes ones were jammed.  We walked further down to the Paris and still had no luck.  I knew Bally’s was connected to the Paris, so we tried that and came up empty.  We were all very tired from our respective travel day, so we went back to the room to get a fresh start for the next day.  Mike and I shared a bed, something we hadn’t done since we were kids.  This time there was a lot less grabass.

Just before we fell asleep, Rob got out of bed and stood uncomfortably close over me.  His features were shadowed by the eerie glow of the clock radio.  He asked me, "what's the difference between a Camaro and an erection?"  I told him I didn't know.  "I don't have a Camaro!"  The joke was a perfect blend of time, tone, and material.

Day One Expenses

Check bag charge - $25.00

Breakfast - $6.15

Jack Daniels travel bottles (2) - $14.00

Shuttle Driver tip - $2.00

Monte Carlo The Pub - $57.56

MGM Grand Video Poker - $5.00

Planet Hollywood Playing Field Lounge Video Poker - $40.00

Bottle of Gatorade - $2.80
*

Day One Total - $152.51

Room and Airfare Total - $647.00

Running Total - $799.51