Oh, the (work)places you will go!





One of my ideas for a book was a collection of stories from my work experiences.  I have had several jobs in the course of my “professional” life and with each one there is at least one good story to tell, whether it was funny, disheartening, or shocking.  I was thinking of one such story related to a temp job I had in Minnesota and that lead me to review all of the jobs I had since moving here.

I moved to Minnesota in October 1995 (next month being the 16^th anniversary of my arrival – I have a better anniversary to celebrate in October that deserves its own blog post), and I have had 15 different means of employment.  I held a couple of the jobs in conjunction with other positions, but I’m still amazed at the number.  I’m averaging a new job every 13 months; and considering I held one job for 7+ years, the other nine years must have been spent struggling to find my “work self.”

The map above shows places where I have worked and each spot is numbered in chronological order. The red dots are full-time employment; the blue ones are temporary jobs; and the greens are second, part-time jobs.  You will find there are only 14 dots.  The green “3-6” is the Southdale Mall where I had two part-time jobs at different times.  I numbered the green dots to coincide with when I held a more permanent position.

After the jump, I will provide a brief summary of each job below with the expectation I will regale you with tales of woe (or “whoa!”) as I create a series of World of Work blog posts.  This should be a lot of fun as I have no shortage of material.

The Dirty Dozen: SitRep 09-20-11

Not much to update here. 


Bristol Myers Squibb (BMY) reached a new 52-week High of $31.64 to close at $31.49.  Also, they announced the next quarterly dividend payout for November 1.


Xcel Energy (XEL) also reached a new 52-new High of $25.59 to close at $25.25, which is a little more than a dollar below the dividend payout I will receive at the end of October.

The Dirty Dozen: SitRep 09-16-11

Two stocks reached new 52-week High prices and Pedro Jiminez (played by Trini Lopez in the movie and Boston Beer Company in my portfolio) has broken his neck during the jump.

Hershey Company (HSY) had a new intra-day, 52-week High price of $59.85 and closed at $59.42.  I’m less than $.30 away from my December dividends matching the closing price.  Thank goodness I received that full share yesterday.  I’m tracking a new price level; this one rounding my fractional shares to a full share.  If Hershey doesn’t squirt higher than $63.75 by December, my total position will be a round number and another full dividend.

Bristol-Myers Squibb (BMY) reached a new 52-week High with the closing price of $30.53.  I’m essentially 10 shares above where I need to be to receive a full share in reinvestment, so I have a good cushion until I’m paid in November.

Due to some personal expenses, I decided to sell my stake in Boston Beer Company (SAM).  I won’t take the full amount in a disbursement and will have some free cash in my portfolio.  After I make some moves at the end of October, I hope I can purchase a smaller stake in this stock again.

One item I didn’t discuss in my previous post about stocks was the ex-dividend date.  For the uninitiated, the ex-dividend date is the date you need to purchase a stock by in order to be eligible for the dividend.  If you sell the stock after this date, you will still receive the dividend.  This is how I received one or two shares of a couple stocks after the huge retooling last month.

My plan is to sell 50 shares of A. Schulman, Inc. (SHLM) after its ex-dividend date and purchase 25 shares of Paychex (PAYX) before its ex-dividend date.  I have about a week between the two dates.   This will give me more cushion as the closing price approaches the dividend payout and my total dividend income remains the same.  There should be some funds leftover that I can add to what’s left of the SAM selloff to repurchase some shares.

Blackjack, Stock Market, now Poker?! I may have a problem.



My recent post about investments made me think of another one of my forays into gambling – gambling.  Specifically, Texas Hold’em poker.  I tried (pushed) my luck in a local satellite tournament for the World Series of Poker (WSOP) back in April of this year.

I had the narrative already written in my head as I traveled south toward Treasure Island Resort & Casino in the ironically named Welch, MN.  The Cinderella story, coming out of nowhere, suffering through the effects of the flu and denied the chance to practice when the DOJ shut down the US operations of PokerStars.com and FullTiltPoker.com to win a spot at the Main Event in Las Vegas. 

A couple years ago, I had attended an annual sales meeting and the award dinner entertainment was a motivational speaker named Dan Thurmon.  Through the course of my professional career, I have attended several business meetings and have endured the bromides of just as many hired speakers, but I really enjoyed Dan Thurmon’s presentation.  One of his calls to action was to write down a list of everything you want to do in your life, no matter how seemingly impossible they are to achieve.  His point is, once you create your list, you will then start to develop ways to accomplish those goals. 

I imagine my boss thought I established goals like “grow sales by 20 percent” or “close a million dollar deal” or “win 'Distribution Manager of the Year' award," but I wrote down “bowl over 200 in a game” and “get under 100 in a round of golf” and “do stand-up comedy during open mike night.”  One other goal I had was to participate in a WSOP tournament in Vegas.  When I saw Treasure Island had a satellite tournament, I thought it would be my opportunity.

Real Men of Genius

Voiceover (singing):  Real Men of Genius!

Announcer:  Today we salute you, Mr. Two Day Propane Grill Builder

Voiceover (singing):  Mr. Two Day Propane Grill Builder!

Announcer:  After several months of your box of grill parts sitting in the garage, your wife hints heavily she would like to cook outside once before summer ends.

Voiceover (singing):  You can’t put her off forever.

Announcer:  That empty feeling in your gut isn’t the anticipation of grilled burgers, steaks, and salmon.  It’s the realization the instruction manual is the size of a phone book.

Voiceover:  Your story will be better without exaggerations!

Announcer:  After two hours of sweat-soaked effort, you decide to stop for the day once you realize the left and right leg brackets are assembled on the wrong side.  You go from Step 10 back to Step 6.

Voiceover (singing):  It’s like playing a game of ‘Chutes and Ladders!’

Announcer:  After four hours over two days in 90 degree heat with 70 percent humidity and damaging only one part in an expletive-filled tirade, you finally have a working propane grill.  At least, you hope it’s working.

Voiceover (singing):  Better have the wife use it first.

Announcer:  Go ahead and crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fix-It .  Then you can decide how you are going to get that broken light bulb out of the socket without hurting yourself. 

Voiceover (singing):  Mr. Two Day Propane Grill Builder.

Investing in The Dirty Dozen

I nicknamed my portfolio “The Dirty Dozen” for the 12 stocks in which I have invested.  I don’t want to go any larger than that because it wouldn’t fit well into the spreadsheet I created.  Eleven of the stocks pay dividends, which were selected based on when the dividends are paid so that I would have some income every month.  The twelfth is a nod to my New England roots and favorite beer, Sam Adams, from Boston Beer Company (SAM).

I’m a dilettante when it comes to investing and I wouldn’t insist people follow my advice.  In fact, I have another spreadsheet titled “Stupid Investor” that I bring with me when we visit our accountant every April.  I first got involved in stocks through a Sharebuilder account.  I haven’t tried any of the other online trading Web sites, but I like Sharebuilder and have stayed with it for the last couple years. 

My first big purchase was in shares of Oshkosh Truck (OSK) after the stock lost about 66% of its value in a day.  OSK was a customer of Ziegenbein Associates, the company I was working for, and I knew it was doing a lot of work with military vehicles and had subsidiaries that built fire trucks, emergency vehicles, and refuse vehicles.  I was pretty sure the stock would come back again, and after a while it did.  When I finally sold all my shares, I made about $1,600.

I have recently inactivated that account, but had opened a second one after receiving my pension and profit sharing check when I was laid off from Ziegenbein Associates in July 2009.  I steadily improved my analytics of stocks to create a strategy with which I’m comfortable.  With the recent havoc of the debt ceiling debates in July and August, I had an opportunity to retool my portfolio.

A Tribute to Brenda Cumming, Nana

Nana's hostas transplanted to our garden

Last Friday, August 19, there was a memorial service for Nana, Brenda Cumming.  Nana was G-Bug’s maternal grandmother who passed away on Wednesday, August 3^rd after suffering through her own battle with cancer.  G-Bug, her mom and her husband were with her when she passed.  She was able to take one final trip to the Seattle area to visit her brother and had her children along to say goodbye.


My plan was to write a tribute to her on this blog, similar to the one I wrote for her husband, Papa Jer, and I had some ideas on stories; but after listening to some of the other people tell their stories, I had a better sense of what I wanted to share.  I didn’t stand to speak at the service, but what follows is what I wanted to say.

One of Brenda’s best qualities was to accept you for who you were.  Whatever history you brought with you, whether it was how you were raised, the lifestyle you lived, or the choices you made, she would embrace and value it.  However, she expected the best out of you, too, and wanted you to be the best “you” you could be.  It was in those moments when you didn’t do your best that you could face her Scottish temper or a debilitating “Oh, Honey!”

Nana was also a very generous person.  If you match that with her always trying to do her best, anything could become an event.  If you’ve ever been to a Thanksgiving at Nana and Papa’s, you know what I mean!  During the first Christmas I spent in Minnesota and away from my family, Nana wanted to make sure I didn’t feel left out.  She bought a stocking for me and filled it with small gifts and had several larger gifts under the tree.  I was going to get gifts from my family anyway, so I really doubled up.

And she would always be generous to you.  One night, I was late in picking up G-Bug at Nana’s house on her overnight visit with me; this was years later, after Amy and I divorced.  I called to let her know I would be late because a boot had been put on my car.  I had to get $100 and wait for the guy to remove it.  When I eventually got to Nana’s, she had $60 ready for me.  I think that was all she had in her wallet; otherwise she would have given me more.  While others wouldn’t have accepted the money, like her co-worker who had a speeding ticket that she offered to help pay, I did, but only because I had to.

At the time this happened I was living in a studio apartment and donating plasma to make ends meet.  I had three working light bulbs in the apartment as the others burned out and I placed the remainders in strategic locations; one by the bed, one in the bathroom, and one in the kitchen.  Around my birthday, G-Bug’s mom asked her what I would like for a gift.  She thought a moment and said, “light bulbs.”  I must have looked like a kid getting an X-box when I opened the package and found a four pack of bulbs. 

I tell you this story because the weekend after Nana passed, G-Bug was staying with me and one night I found her crying.  I crawled into bed with her and we talked.  She was worried she might forget Nana and already had a hard time remembering her voice.  I told her we had lots of pictures of Nana and probably some video, so she shouldn’t worry.  However, she has something more indelible than pictures.  She has Nana’s sympathetic and generous spirit, and that will always be with her.  I think all of her grandchildren have it and the people who knew her have a little of it, too.

Someone mentioned Nana’s mischievous nature and I got to see that as well.  I think it was just before Amy and my wedding when Nana took me to a salon to get my hair cut.  As I sat in the chair, she joked with the stylist, “I know you don’t have much to work with, but try to make him look nice anyway!”  I blushed to the roots of my hair, I had a lot more back then, and wanted to hide, but I wasn’t offended by the jibe because I knew there was no malice in it.  She teased me because she saw me as part of the family and I was glad to be included.

It is going to take some time to come to terms with Nana’s passing, but as the time passes and the pain subsides, I will always have great memories of her and for that I am thankful.

Before I conclude this entry, I want to send a special message to my family.  I know we don’t stay in touch as often as we should as we are spread out across the country and that makes it difficult to be close-knit.  In spite of this fact, I realize I’m lucky to have you in my life and am grateful for it.  Although I don’t say it often enough, you are always in my thoughts and I hope the best for all of you.  You have all my love.

Book Review: In The Woods

I think a successful writer should spend as much time reading as he does writing and part of what makes me “me” is an avid interest in reading.  For that reason, I want a component of my blog dedicated to reviews of books I have read.  My sister has been, what The Wife has identified as, a reading machine.  I believe she has finished her NINTH summer book.  I’ve just recently finished my first and have a lot of catching up to do.  Fortunately, I have a pile of books already on my shelf that I haven’t read, but picked up when browsing book stores because they interested me, so I won’t have to spend a lot of time finding my next quiet distraction.

The book I just finished was In the Woods by Tana French.  The story is set in present day Ireland and revolves around a detective who is trying to solve the murder of a 12-year-old girl found at an archaeological dig.  The detective, as a boy, grew up in the same town and went into the nearby woods with two friends.  They become lost and there was a frantic search for all three.  He was the only one to be found, covered in blood of one of his two friends.  The story alternates between the two cases and at times suggests there might be a link between them.  There wasn’t.

Las Vegas Day Four (Part 2): May 28, 2011



Rick James once famously said in an interview on the Chappelle Show that “cocaine’s a helluva drug.”  The same could be said for liquid cocaine, the street name of vodka Red Bulls.  The three of us hit the Strip and looked like wild monkeys running a 40-yard dash.  We weaved around clusters of pedestrians and snuck up on each other to jump-smack whatever bald spot was available.  My smacking was as limp-wristed as my punching.  There was one time when I leaped into the air behind Rob to smack his head and from some subconscious recess I thought, “what if that isn’t Rob,” so I misfired.  Then, Rob had jumped on the back of one of us.  I can only assume it was me because I have a hazy recollection of being pitched headlong on the sidewalk, only to regain my balance before serious damage could be done.

All inhibitions were down.  We had spent three days walking around Vegas, intentionally giving the card-flipping smut peddlers the Heisman (I was more polite, actually deigning to give a head shake or a “no” at many offerings), but not that night.  I took a card or booklet from anyone who offered, which set off a chain reaction of others handing me their cards.  I felt like a politician shaking hands with my constituents, eagerly and happily accepting the well wishes from the masses.  Once at the Paris, I had a huge stack of porn star collector cards, which I immediately deposited into the nearest trash bin.  I may have been drunk, but I don’t litter. 

Similar to the Jabbawockeez show, the doors to the Anthony Cools show were already open and people were finding their seats.  I could have used a stop at the bathroom, but we were worried about missing the show and we went right in.  The show started shortly after and Mike immediately volunteered to be hypnotized.  Anthony asked for several volunteers and it soon became obvious why.  Whenever a person showed any signs of not accepting a suggestion, he was escorted off the stage.  Anthony was weeding out those who weren’t as suggestible.  Those who were, especially Mike, put on an entertaining show.

There was one guy named Dave who was told that every time he heard his name, he would get an erection and would want to hide it.  Another guy would feel like his ass was on fire and rub it along the stage to put it out whenever Johnny Cash’s ‘Ring of Fire’ was played.  Anthony made the suggestion to the group that when he turned around, he would be naked from the waist down and well hung.  When he did turn, everyone had a shocked look on his face and Mike turned to the guy sitting next to him and held his hands about two feet apart with a look of awe on his face.

Las Vegas Day Four (Part 1): May 28th, 2011



We saved the best for last, which worked out well; otherwise we would have spent the rest of our trip recovering.  I don’t think any of us had much of a hangover, but we did sleep into the late morning.  Mike went downstairs and returned with three cups of coffee and a newspaper.  The coffee was just what the doctor ordered.  We eased into our day and took stock of what we still wanted to do while in Las Vegas.  We had tickets to Anthony Cools and wanted to go to Coyote Ugly, which would take care of our evening.  We felt baked from the intense heat of the past couple days, so we weren’t eager to sit by the pool.  The European soccer championship was in the afternoon and since Rob and I had money on the game, we wanted to watch it.  A foam party was scheduled in the Monte Carlo pool area starting at noon and lasting until six, which sounded like a lot of fun.  We had a pretty big window to catch the party and figured we could stop by when we had some free time.  We hadn’t done any souvenir shopping and we were leaving early tomorrow morning, so we decided to do that to get the day going.

We visited the local places, like Gameworks and the M&M store, across the street.  We didn’t walk around for long before I started to feel a little light-headed, probably for not having breakfast after an alcohol-fueled night.  We made our way over to the MGM Grand to visit the shop next to the lion’s cage.  Inside the store, there was a window where people could view a lion cub being fed from a bottle.  There was an older couple with a trainer in the room and I assumed they had paid for the experience.  I also took the opportunity to redeem my $15 ticket I had from video poker on our first night in town.

The soccer game had an early start time for us on the West Coast, and just in time for lunch.  We re-crossed the street to New York, New York and found a place with immediate seating at the Nine Fine Irishmen.  Barcelona was well represented in the bar, but the table we sat was in an area where most people were cheering Manchester United.  We had lunch and Sam Adams while we watched the game.  It became pretty obvious that Man U was out-matched in talent, but the score was tied 1-1 at the half.  I knew if Man U had a chance to win the game, the final score would have to be 2-1.  When Barcelona scored its second goal, my hopes faded.  When Barcelona scored its third goal, they evaporated.  At least I waited until the official end of the game before tearing up my ticket.  Mike paid for lunch and we headed outside.